Icebreaker questions

What it's for

The first few minutes of a group that doesn't know each other are the hardest: nobody wants to speak first and the silence stiffens by itself. A light question, the same for everyone, takes away from each person the responsibility of choosing what to say. It's for a meeting with new people, the first day of a course, a dinner where half the table are strangers, a car journey that's getting long.

What makes a good icebreaker

Three things, which is why not all of them work. It has to be answerable by anyone: asking about the best trip is fine, asking about university isn't, because it embarrasses whoever didn't go. It has to cost little: a thirty-second answer, not a story. And it has to stay away from money, family, health, politics and religion, the five grounds on which a light question turns heavy without warning.

How to run it, in practice

Whoever suggests the game answers first: it's the gesture that sets the depth and gives everyone permission to stay at that depth. Then you go round in order, not at random, because knowing when your turn comes removes anxiety rather than adding it. And you say from the start that you can pass: anyone who doesn't feel like it gives up their turn with no explanation, and on the next round they nearly always speak.

The moment an icebreaker breaks is when it goes on too long. With ten people, thirty seconds each is five minutes; a minute each is ten, and by then it has become the meeting instead of the start of the meeting.

Nearby tools

For a one-to-one conversation that goes deeper, rather than a new group, there is Deep questions; for a games night Truth or dare. To split the group into teams or settle the order there is Pick for me, and for a tournament's rounds Group stage generator.